Living with Endometriosis-II

Its ok to NOT be OK! While my first article on endometriosis was about the positives, today I will focus on my vulnerabilities. I am sure it’s going to be difficult to write this one, but I will still try.

My experience with periods started with my sister telling me that I was impure during those 5 days. That’s how the society works right? During those days, I was not allowed to help Dadu to pluck flowers for morning Puja. I was not allowed to sit beside Maa when she did the Puja. This created a negative impression about this whole thing in my head and to top it all, the pain almost killed me every month.

When I decided that I will pursue my graduation from Delhi, I was mainly worried about how I would manage my periods and the anxiety, and the pain related to it all by myself. But I guess we find our ways to deal with problems. Going through pain every month, dysmenorrhea, weakness, were inevitable. Sometimes I had to take pain killer injections for relief. There were days when I used to be all by myself in my PG room without anybody around. Many a times I puked and kept lying there because the pain was so severe that I could hardly move. After a few hours, when I felt slightly better, I would clean up my mess.

After about five years in Delhi, I found my gynae through my sister. She put me on medication which helped me in every sense. I started living a normal life and I totally made sure I made the most of it. The periods were not painful, and I could make plans any day of the month. Nothing could stop me anymore, but myself!

After about five years, I guess I got bored of my normal life and stopped the medication for a month or two. I heard a lot of people saying that these medicines have side effects and may lead to infertility. I had always wanted to have a child. I stopped the medicines without consulting my doctor. So, after two months the endometriosis pain came back with full force. It was worse than what it used to be and had spread. I could feel it. It started getting worse with every month.

I went back to my gynae and told her how foolish I was. She tried putting me back on the same medicines, which did not help. She tried more medicines on me, but nothing helped. I went to 5-7 other doctors after that in search of some cure/relief. I even travelled to Hyderabad to seek another doctor’s help.

One day the pain was so bad that I went to Moolchand hospital (a different doctor) and upon examining me she suggested that I should get operated immediately to confirm it was endometriosis. So, after two days, I was admitted to the hospital. I take this opportunity to thank all my friends who were there to support me around at that point of time. My parents, who resided in a different city could only join me later. After the minimal invasive surgery, I was diagnosed with recto-vaginal endometriosis Grade 4. I was told that most of the endometrium and adhesives were burnt and I should get some relief now. During the time of discharge, they handed me a CD of the surgery and I could only gather strength to watch it only recently.

Me just before the surgery!

But endometriosis for me turned out be like a possessive ex-lover, who after being turned down would come back with even more passion. So once again, the pain was back after just a month of the surgery and it was WORSE! The days of pain increased from 5 to 10 to 15 and sometimes 20 days. Imaging getting just 5-10 days in a month to actually live your life the way you wanted.

During my visits to the doctor, ultrasounds, and MRIs I was told by every doctor, technician and assistant that I should get married and try having a baby at the earliest. And that created a different kind of pressure.

Yes, I got married (did not rush at all) and had a baby (which was a miracle I believe) without any complication and I am full of gratitude today.

I am currently on medications which stop my periods for a trimester and then I start all over again. My periods, when they come continue to be extremely painful. I take painkillers but they don’t always work. At the end of every trimester, I am stressed and anxious. I don’t feel OK about it, but I am learning to live with it.

Author: suddymoody

This is my sixth attempt to start my very own blog and yayy finally I created one today (happy dance). Talking endlessly and expressing physically comes naturally to me. However when it comes to writing creatively (being a Corporate Communications professional, I am used to writing press releases and business related articles), I have always avoided it. So this blog is an attempt towards being expressive in my writing too! I hope you enjoy this process as much as I do!! Body crossed ;-)

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